70th post

see this one here? she's miss independent lately.

Which usually wouldn' t be bad except she doesn't tell you when

things she does goes wrong. and we find out later...

I was making Jelly toast, she says. uh huh. I guess

it works out becuase it wasn't plugged in and she didn't eat it.

I guess it works out that its an old toaster.

wordy wednesday

So this is my crazy middle child showing off her brothers hat. Cause she's

got skills like that. And shes a bit of a diva..(A bit?)

Again, heres my fish. This child is forever in the tub. He doesn't care

who is in there, he just hops right in!

My oldest...never making normal faces anymore for me.

still around.

I'm still around. Its been kinda crazy here.
As usual.
I"m going to do "more about me" type post here soon too.

My new years resolution is working out fine here, to post more, to write more... perhaps to get more followers though that never was my true intention. I'd like to have more followers although I"m not a pushy person and really just like to write.

My children are crazy. I think I chased my 2 year old around today going "where is your clothes" and "why are you naked" and " I JUST put your clothes BACK on" and "Oh my, its bath time again"..for the zillion times it came outta my mouth. I"m exhausted.

so we're just making supper now. and I"ll clean for the zillionth time after that. The floors, boy do they need scrubbing but it won't happen until AFTER the monsters..eh children are in bed for the 3 year old diva likes to "Help"..which means she likes to commendere the bucket of soapy water(yes I wash by hands, on hands and knees) and she tells me when I can and cannot have the bucket. and when I can and cannot scrub, so this turns into a mini war in my head as I"m kinda anal about how things are done and in what order. We can't even bring the windex and paper towels out during the day anymore....

sigh.
more later.

about me perhaps?

I don't talk alot about "ME" in this blog. However I started this blog cautiously. There are parts of me that are private and will continue to stay private, at least in the public light. Its not really because I'm hiding things, I just don't talk about them because they don't make or break who I am.

1. I'm 30. I turned 30 in September. Which means I"m a virgo. I don't follow the whole horoscope thing, so I can't even tell you if what it SAYS I am is true. *shrugs*, its one less thing cramping my brain. I know my birth stong is blue. I LOVE BLUE, so its fitting.

2. My parents are still married. Which is this day and age not many people can say. My mom married my dad when she was 16. This means they've been married quite a while. I don't know how long, or how old she is ,because age doesn't matter. I do know my father is.. 54 maybe? going on 55 this year. I only know this because the year WE got married he had a heart attack and that year we jokingly had a birthday party with a joke about "almost didn't make it to 50 party.

3. I had my first son when I was 23. He's my rock and my everything and without him during those times, I don't know how in the hell I would have pulled through the issues and situations I was going through. I have a wonderful family support system, and friends of course but this tiny being looks at you and doesn't ask to be in the middle of whatever is going on and expects you to just go on living life the best you can. And I did. Because I had to, because he relied on me and I turned to him to bring me through. And he did. And he'll never ever know how much I love him because of that.

4. I had my second child , my daughter when I was 27. My two older ones are almost exactly 4 years apart. like 45 days away from being 4 years exactly. I kinda like that. My daughter is really my best friend. She's 3 and shes rough and tumble and girly and snuggly, and demanding and we fight...sometimes alot but I like the fact that she's my only girl. Before I had her, I had 4 years(about, give or take) of all boy stuff. My daughter is what I call "high maintence" because she's really not as easy going as my boys are. But she gives me her unconditional love, just at a higher demand than the other two.

5. I had my last child, my son when I was 28. My last two are 20 months apart. My little one, now just two, fills my days with lots of "NO!" and "what..where did you get that!" and "oh my goodness, what did you do" and taking him off the top of the couch, and taking him offa the counters after he pushed the chairs to the cabinets to get what he wants, and wrestling him in his boyish ways. He's easy going like his olde brother , a snuggler and ..my baby. My last and final baby. Everything with your first is "oh my first child's first steps" and "oh his first birthday"..with this one I feel sometimes like "oh this is the last time we'll celebrate a first birthday" and "this is the last time we'll celebrate a second birthday"..kinda remorse. I don't see any more kids happening..planned anyhow, but we seem complete.

6. I am a domestic abuse survivor. Being 30, sometimes I think..wow, for 30 you've been through quite alot and expirenced things and somehow stayed with your head above water. It hasn't been easy. At all. Not even close. I think anyone who has been in a similar situation understands the reasonings and rationals for staying when they shouldn't, keeping quiet when they shouldn't have to, and dealing with what we had to. Without many people knowing, and still coming out mostly ok. People who haven't been in these situations, don't quite get it, and really I'm glad. I"d like to say to them "I"m glad you don't understand, I'm glad you never had to wrap your brain and heart and soul around it" Because I wouldn't want that kinda hurt for others I love. Even for those I don't know and don't "love"...I don't wish that on anyone. But you take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Some days you take it one hour at a time, other days you wake up and take it one breath at a time. They say time heals all wounds. Sometimes I think time doesn't heal all wounds, it just simply sets the scars in place. Like the song that says "and the scars remind me that the past is real" It's still there, the hurt, the emotional and physical turmoil, however, that place is now covered and hardened and doesn't quite feel the way it used to when passed over. Does it make the past any less hurtful? NOPE. It just makes me realize that people are capable of going through alot when they've hit rock bottom.It makes me realize that God never truly gives you what you can't handle. It was hard and frustrating and heart wrenching and so many other emotions I can't put words to . But you have to go on. You HAVE to. You don't have a choice. There is no re-do, there is no start over, and going back to the past would be like walking backwards, and that's not natural. You push forward, and in a way its like following the steps of grieving. You have to let yourself feel what it needs to and your brain needs time to process all this information that goes along with it.
Do I talk about it? hardly ever....seriously, because its in the past. And like I said, thats going backwards, and again thats like walking backwards, and not natural... however it changed who I am, but doesn't define me. Would I change this part of my life? No. Why? Because it would change the course of events and I wouldn't be where I am today.

I guess that's it for now. Actually that's a huge thing for me to talk about. I don't post about this, or about myself much, at least here in public. Because that's how I am.

what have we been up to?

What have we been up to? This 2 year old has been up to taking

more photos of himself. They're kinda artsy.

We've been watching some Dora. Lots of Dora. In this chair. So no

one else can see the tv. This usually doesn't last long and starts a fight.

This guy has been busy at school. He comes home and unwinds Mario style.

This momma has been busy organzing cupboards. Can we say boring? everyone together now.

I have a stash of Macncheese since it was onsale. As well as noodles.

One never knows when you may need either one. Its gotten so bad my macncheese addiction

that my friend sent me a text message/picture while she was at target tonight, with a macncheese sale. Wow huh?

This is what it looks like when you form your own chaingang in your house.

No really, this is what happens when a certain 2 year old uses his artist talents and

everything is his drawing board. This is the way we wash the walls, wash the walls, wash the walls. Only it doesn't bother them. You get out the windex and paper towel and much glee

happens at our house..why? Not sure.

Between Mr.Mario playing the wii, and netflix, this thing gets used. Alot.

Finished up the "Mercy " season 1. Now onto "secret life of an american teenager"

this is what happens when you wrestle with a 2 and 3 year old, windex and paper towels.

You watch teenage drama to feel better.

Saturday summaries

This is my girl B, and my niece Lil D

My oldest, very seriously playing wii

Heres my crazy haired girl again!

He took this one of himself. Talent.

My boy with his mario shirt.

Peek a boo baby.

This is what happens when you try to straighten her hair.

Wordy Wednesday

This is Bella's "bear bear". She picked it out from walmart many years ago(not that it can be THAT many since she's 3.5 years old) for 5 dollars and for that price I thought "if she never looks at it again, at least its only 5 dollars lost right?" . She loves that darned bear. She went through this band-aide phase where she doctored up dear Bear bear with band-aides. Hence the chunk of aqua blue-ish something or other on his head. Its been washed twice and it hasn't come off. I give that company two thumbs up. If I were a teddy bear who needed a strong band aide, then THAT is the company I"m choosing for sure.

Anyways, there is a story to the madness, not just because they're both cute. Yesterday in a fit of madness..three year old madness that is, she whipped poor Bear bear into the tub. A tub full of water...from their just taken late afternoon bath.

She told me "Momma, don't go into the bathroom".

That's when the signals go off in your brain right?

So I said "why?"

Bella says "Oh nofing".

I go in there and shes screeching like a banshee behind me.

Poor Bear bear, who I did not get a picture of him floating(somewhat)face down like a drowned... rat..bear? I took him out, rang him out and put him in a towel to let dry. Bella automatically felt the terrible guilt associated with Bear bear neglect and attempted drowning of a bear, and sobbed in great diva like style. So mommy promised by the next day Bear bear would be dry. (crossed fingers I did)

well this morning she remembered and brought him to me, kinda mostly dry but smelling horrid! So while she was at grandmas today I washed and dried that bear with some laundry and it smells better. However she was greatly traumatized when she realized I pulled him outta the dryer. But she gleefully brought him around showing her brothers how good he smelled now.

so we conquered one great tragedy today... however..my two year old is on a "lets wreck everything" mission.. More to come on that later!